My addiction. My confession.

i have a confession to make.

i have an addiction. a serious one. really. no kidding.

so serious that it controls my emotions, my mood, my mental state, everything.

it started out with this.



"full house"

and then this came along.



"mischievous princess"

then the addiction became more serious with this.



"white robe of love"

after this one, there was no turning back. my current addiction.



"it started with a kiss"

addiction to korean and taiwanese dramas. no cure. how??
help!! somebody? anybody?
wo wan le (i'm doomed).

The hardest thing

i was just reading a post on a blog, by someone i knew but don't really know from high school, about his argument with his father. i was envious.

so you think i must be mad to be envious at him for having several sharp exchange of words with his father? yes. as a matter of fact, think what you will because i really am envious at the fact that he could and/or had the guts to quarrel with his dad, envious at his courage that he was able to take his stand and argue.

because for me, i can hardly remember the last time i ever spoken or quarreled or raised my voice against my own father. for fear of incurring his wrath and temper which lasts for days and sometimes weeks. all my life i've followed and listened to almost everything he tells me to do. he tells me to finish my music studies, i endured through it even though i hated my first two teachers to the very core. he tells me to go to this and that church, i follow. it was so hard leaving all and starting afresh, fitting in and all while growing up.

the hardest thing was to leave all the friends i've made, grew up with and become so accustomed to. the hardest thing was to really open up and trying to fit into the new crowd with a different culture, but i am always hesitant... because at the back of my mind, there was always fear of leaving. again. i feel emotionally detached whenever i'm in a new church. i used to be friendly and approachable.

i remembered when i left the first church - the church in which i accepted Jesus as my Saviour, grew up with and loved dearly. like any other normal person, i would have never entertain the thought or giving in to any bribes to leave this church. that was how dedicated i was and how much the church meant to me.

then tragedy strucked. a betrayal. a rude awakening. people change. we had to leave. it was painful. what was more painful was that i could not even attend the farewell (and the last) youth gathering. no parting hugs, tears of sadness, last moments of laughter and prayer together. tears were shed alone. pain was endured alone. i never got to say goodbye.

now when we see each other, it is a great joy. sincere happiness. but where do we start? how do we even continue from where we left off? at what point did our relationship just went dormant? would it be the same as before? it's just so hard to start all over again. so, so hard.

sometimes i wished my dad would just stop telling me what to do. i'm not implying that he's bad cuz he's absolutely not. in fact, he's the greatest dad in the world and i would never trade any other for him. it's just that i wished he gave me some space. let me do what i really love for once, without him telling or implying to me all the time what he prefers that i do.

feeling kinda like Pinocchio. able to do things you want, but not everything as you want it.

people often think that being a second or third generation Christian, you would have breezed through your Christian life. what more as a pastor's child. to put the fact bluntly, it is not. i think it's even harder. i believe no matter what, you would encounter problems and dilemmas. although they may not be the same, they will be there regardless.

sometimes i really do wish i had just one teeny bit of my sister's bravery to tell my dad exactly what i want, what i felt lead by God to do and do it. i just want to belong to a church. permanently. no more church hopping. no leaving irregardless of whatsoever. for me, a church should be one where you go, grow, love and never wanna leave. you shouldn't feel used. it's just as simple as that. yet it's complicated. i have found a church like that. i want him to know and i want his blessing but i'm so afraid to tell him. i used to be brave. what happened to me?

i guess this is pretty much why i always wanted to go overseas to study. i am never on my own. probably in my subconscious mind, i hope that this would be a release for me. that i can finally breathe.

Being the Bridesmaid

fifteen years ago, i was a flowergirl. fifteen days ago, i was a bridesmaid. not like i never knew this day was coming. i was naturally my sister's bridesmaid. it was just a matter of when :)

being the bridesmaid is tough fun. with two hands and a little help from my mom, i had to help my sister...
- hold her train when she's walking
- hold her cup of drink with a straw.. can't afford to drink it direct from the cup and ruin the few-hundred-dollar makeup right?
- babysit the flowergirl, which is the part i love most.
- hold stack of tissues for wiping sweat and in case of makeup going haywire (think mascara) or any crying (think mascara again)
- hold flower bouquets. initially mine and hers.. then gave mine to the flowergirl cuz she loved it.

all these while walking around with long dress and high heels. good thing i'm used to walking with heels. and all these while being fully made up. kekok betul. adding on to that, i didn't even get to eat anything at the church itself. all i had was one big mug of milo in the morning. enough to sustain me.

it was ok lah, the bridesmaid thing. not crazily hectic or nightmare-ish. maybe because we share this certain understanding and bond as sisters. so we're kinda biasa with each other.. i knew what she wanted most of the time and she was really kind in her demands.

but if you want me as a bridesmaid next time, nombor yang anda dail tiada lagi dalam perkhidmatan terima kasih.. the number you have dialed... :P

Too exhausted to even bother.

ok. so for the test performed the day before, there were no results.

you asked me whether i pipetted the volumes correctly.

of course was my reply.

i was pretty darn sure about that.. after all, it was your protocol i followed. if that was wrong, it's just a wonder whose fault might that be.

fine. troubleshoot further (troubleshooting may be fun when you're in the OK mood but when you're exhausted it's not). so the one problem left might be that one or both reagents expired.

go make new sets of reagents. that's what you told me.

i knew i had no choice cuz they'll be needed tomorrow.

i look at the clock and it was fifteen minutes to 5. i can forget about driving home before the famous sunway rush hour traffic jam starts.

the first one, the standard solution came out just fine. thank God.

then came the second one. the colour reagent. i was prepared to weigh according to the initial set of protocols you gave me. i had my instinct to thank for this time.

had i not decided to ask you about certain things before i started, i wouldn't have known that the present set of chemicals were of different units and that an entire different set of volumes/weight to be used were different than the ones you gave before.

if i had made it anyway, it would have been wrong and i would have been mercilessly deep-fried by you. after all, these chemicals are really REALLY expensive and imported from japan, right?

so i somehow managed to carry ten chemicals with just two hands of mine to the nearest balance in the next lab. weighing out each one carefully and as accurate as i can.

the balance wasn't helping at all. it was fluctuating up and down happily while here i was, standing and walking for almost the entire day and obviously drained of energy.

well, the colour reagent was supposed to be (ironically) colourless. somehow it came out slightly yellowish.

it's not supposed to be coloured at all, you tell me. maybe too much peroxide.

too tired to even respond and argue. but even in this exhausted state of mind, i was sure i weigh everything out accurately. those of you who did lab practicals with me, you should know how meticulous i get when it comes to accuracy and getting good, usable results.

after a moment of silence and staring, you say to my face "what's wrong with you?".

what the hell??!!!??! insulted, i was. pissed, not quite. then again, too tired to even bother feel angry-insulted or defend myself.

i slowly walk to the nearest basin and threw away everything in the bottle. re-make.

this time, i double-checked the volumes/weights with her set, had her stand there and see it through. guess what? it came out the same colour again. what a waste of chemicals, waste of time and waste of energy. stupid.

what's my problem? you are.

Proud of OUR Boys

i had a dissection session this morning at 8. my common practice would be to sleep as early as i can the night before irregardless of whatever happens, so that i won't wake up all dazed with thumping headaches. but siao! it was our very own malaysian double pair in the finals of the asian games, i would never miss it for the world!

they had to schedule the match to be played last - after the women singles final, men singles final and women doubles final. sigh. the men singles was nice to watch, but as are all singles matches, they tend to be long. it was a shame lee chong wei fell in the semifinals (yet again). but anyway, my personal favourite indonesian taufik hidayat retained his crown in straight games. i thought china's lin dan was a bit distracted and affected by the indonesian supporters in the first set. the crowd was C-R-A-Z-Y, MAD and NNNNOOOIIIIIISSSSYYYYYYY!!

anyone remember hariyanto arbi? sun jun? foo kok keong? yang yang? ong ewe hock? hendrawan? those are players in the 1990s who were and still are my favourite men's singles players.

the women doubles went to three sets. three sets! thump. the anticipation was killing me. men doubles, start already!!!



it started at almost 1am. 1am!! did you know it was scheduled at 12am??!!?!! but i was not gonna go to sleep. after all, it was late already so *hahaa* one more hour no harm lahhhh. haiyah, i stay up so late already.. if i go to sleep, then jia lat (wasted effort) only.

time and time again, malaysian shuttlers had done so well only to falter when it mattered... like thomas cup, world championships, olympics, etc. finishing second best, third best. all the waiting and the anticipation were getting agonizing. we were getting exhausted, trying our best to show that it didn't matter and our tidak-apa-kalau-kalah facial expression and body language when in fact it is this tidak-apa attitude which is killing the sport. all hope, faith and joy was waning.

i have to give it (in fact i think we all should) to this malaysian scratch pair tan boon heong and koo kien keat for their mental strength, agility and determination. congratulations tan boon heong and koo kien keat for restoring hope in malaysian badminton and faith among your supporters, and for being the asian games champion 2006! thirty-six years have been too long a wait for us for a gold in badminton. it was time somebody stood up above the rest and show them how it's done. and you've done it! hats off to you!!


they've definitely found a fan in me. i love their aggressive and smashing style, which i dearly missed watching in badminton men's doubles since indonesia's ricky subagdja and rexy mainaky, chandra wijaya and sigit budiarto, and malaysia's cheah soon kit and yap kim hock... ironically, the current coaches for malaysia are rexy and yap kim hock. i love the way they play 100 miles per hour and yet smartly placing the shuttle at the right place and the right time. you can just feel their utter determination and fiery spirit watching them. it's addictive, even more addictive than any drugs and ice-cream! a spirited, humble play is a greater joy to watch compared to a perfect but arrogant play.

it was apparent, however, that their coordination was still lacking and needs work. can't really blame them cuz this pairing is new and very young (and i mean very, VERY young... tan boon heong was a last-minute replacement for koo kien keat's regular partner). but they make up for this lack with their speed and agility so amazing you won't and you wouldn't believe your eyes! if they keep this up and mould their coordination, i believe they are very well on their way to being world beaters like squash's nicol david... not just a one-time wonder.

once again congrats! i'm proud of you, the whole nation's proud of you. we're rejoicing with you. i hope that this fire and thirst for greater success for yourselves and for malaysia will be endless - not just a one time thing - and press on. if the wall doesn't move in front of you, push harder. if the wall still does not budge, then use a sledgehammer :P


and i hope *cross fingers* that rexy will change his mind and not leave cuz there's plenty more for him to teach and impart, and plenty more to learn and improve.

p.s. another proud moment would have to be hearing "negaraku" playing and the crowd singing along at attention. it was so overwhelming that i wished i had been there.

29-11-06: after nine long years...

so. wondering whose backs are those in the picture? hahaa. those two, my dear friends, are my one and only elder sister and romuald.


see? i wasn't bluffing. heeheehee.

so. where were they? they're at the National Registration Department (NRD) in Putrajaya. what were they doing there? they're registering their marriage lah! finally. hahaha. nine long years of courtship... akhirnya mereka kahwin!

it was pretty obvious everybody knew this day would come. it was just a matter of when and where. come to think of it, they hardly had any arguments. if they did, they dealt with those issues rather well. i can only recall one major argument back when we were still in TWC. but even that, i thought, was a real misunderstood situation which was interpreted rather negatively and passed onto him. i was there when it happened, and to this day i never thought or had a change of mind that it went out of line.

anyway. more pictures! wanna see them reciting the rukun negara ikrar or not? this was to test whether they're really pure blood sincere malaysians.


hahahaa. no lah, gurau aje. they're reciting marriage vows. nobody in their right state of mind would wanna lafaz ikrar negara on their wedding day.

the surprise of the day for me came when my dad remarked that he should not be one of the witnesses as he was giving away his daughter and someone else should. guess who became the witness? yeah, me. like my sister said (much later in the evening), "this is probably the most adult thing you've ever done since you turn 21". and i went, "... so you mean most of the time i'm childish lah?". she gave me that you-know-what-i-mean look.

the lady officer at NRD counter took one look at ours IC, looks up at both my sister and i and asked, "ini kembar ya? (your twin sister?)". we stared at each other, thinking "not another one" and had a really REALLY good laugh. so many people have hard time believing we are even related in the first place... it's funny how people always either say that we look SSOOOOOOO much alike that my uncle once remarked we have photostated faces, or we don't look anything like each other. so what is what now? don't confuse me :P


five minutes to complete the registration and all, one hour photographing session :P presenting my family as of november 29th, year 2006.

Post-Exam Destressing - Mandatory Retail Therapy!

yes it's that time of the year! hahahaa.

in the span of four days, i've been to three different shopping malls. bought many, many things. i know people are always thinking that we just love to hua qien (waste money) but on a contrary and in my self-defense (and many girls), i only buy things that i need and want. anyway, think i'll be doing a fair amount of shopping within these 3 months since i'll be out of action and going back into my tortoise-shell shelter once next semester commences. sigh. already feeling stressed just having that thought.

on tuesday, met up with piggy & chimp in sunway pyramid for shopping spree and end-of-semester movie celebration "the departed". the movie was good.. although i'm not sure how it stands up to "infernal affairs", the 2002 hong kong movie which the storyline and plot was taken and adapted from. from what i heard, "infernal affairs" was better. now i wanna rent the dvd and watch the original thing. hehe. the censors in this movie were rather irritating because the f-word pops out as often as the letter "s" appears in mississippi. so the parts were snipped, scenes were jumping and giving me headaches. and towards the end, the supposed-to-be-censored parts were not even "muted" properly. you hear the f-word loud and clear, and whatever follows after that gets muted. so much for censorship. then there were other words which did not get cut such as a**hole, shit.. no, no more examples to preserve the *cough* sanctity *cough* of my blog :P

all the lead actors in "the departed" stood out in their own way.. leonardo dicaprio - excellent potrayal of the undercover cop who becomes stuck in confusion with his own identity and his job, matt damon - the rat in the police force (ultimate rat), jack nicholson was way cool and notorious as mob boss.. one other actor who stood out was mark wahlberg who although plays an arrogant and irritatingly provoking cop, whom i thought was kinda cool because beneath all that was a cop who is dedicated to doing his job and seeking justice.


back to shopping. bought a pair of jeans, which i really need cuz the one i bought from hong kong is falling off my waist and hips. actually all of the pants/jeans i bought before this year are all wearing off and seriously falling off my butt that it is embarrassing. period. ask any friend of mine in uni (they know cuz they see me more often than others). anyway in other words, i have to buy new range of pants. if not, i have to pakai cheh-kai shorts mari kolej.

shoe fetish. bought two pairs of shoes/sandals - the white pair for my sis' wedding (both ceremony and dinner), bought after 2-hour walkaround sunway pyramid and picked by piggy and simran, my favourite stylists! and the denim covered shoes for fun. hahaa. can wear that on days i have lab sessions. better to wear for short days though, they can and they WILL kill you if you wear them for the whole day with active walking and standing. if you ask me, i think pyramid is a good place to hunt for nice shoes. as for clothes, there is no one definite mall that's all that.


my feet shrank from size 7-8 to size 6-7. help! i'm shrinking!

where were we? oh. right.

went to timesquare on thursday for dress shopping for my sister's wedding dinner. it was an odd choice of mall, according to my sis. but i had two shops in mind already anyway - SA creations & nicci fashion city. what i had in mind was something knee-length (or somewhat below the knee), don't mind sleeveless, something dark coloured (i wanted black initially.. hahaa, sooooo influenced by keren)... wanted to stay away from baby colours, which was a pretty good advice from piggy. i don't want to appear sweet and childish because i'm already 21 and past my giggly girly stage for goodness sake! time to act my age. i wanted something simple yet elegant and modern.

there was no dress which caught my interest in SA creations. maybe because it was hard to find and browse through. but there were many dresses i liked and tried on in nicci fashion city (gosh i love the stuff there). wished i could buy a few instead of just one. hahahaa. the dress i bought was introduced and recommended by an indian salesgirl there. apparently new arrival. it was love at first sight. hehehee. like i said, wished i could buy them all. sigh... sadly, money don't grow on trees.

was wondering whether i should show a picture of me with the dress on, but thought it would spoil the surprise later on when i write, blog and post up pictures for my sister's wedding. then no more fun lor. hehe. but i'll post up a glimpse of one part of my dress. hahaa. nah..


not happy wanna see the whole dress? you'll just have to wait. after all, patience is a virtue right? it's brown. yes, to all of you monash-ians who went to this year's prom, it's brown AGAIN. i don't know what's with me and brown. i can't help myself if the dresses i like all turn out to be brown.

ok. fine. next time, i'll just look at the black ones.

p.s. sorry, the pictures are not very good & contrasted well... my own computer KO-ed since last month (and is not fixed thanks to my lazy bro), so i don't have photoshop to edit the picture. once it's back, i will edit the pictures.

p.p.s. does anybody know where to get knee-length denim skirts cheap? i.e. around rm50. and also decent long blouses? not long-sleeved, long length.

In love with 白袍之戀 (con't)

so. on monday i had 白袍之戀 withdrawal symptoms. hahahaa. siao. thought i'd continue on from my previous post. hehee. no, i wasn't done with my blahness from 白袍之戀.

moving on. one can't help but love mo fan as well, even though he isn't as good looking as qi xiu. he is what people would say gifted as a medical doctor. he learns quick, with brain that soaks up information like a sponge. he has the ability to diagnose diseases quick, and is also quick and meticulous with his fingers (essential for doctors). he is like the equivalent of dr gregory house (of house MD) with waayyyyyyyy better bedside manners and optimism.


he is down-to-earth, cares a lot about his friends and expresses his care in his own way although it may irritate others. a man of his word.. he takes care of qi xiu during 7 years yi ning was comatose because of the promise he made to her before he "put her to sleep". he is good at what he does. and i mean really good. genius is his middle name. but i guess that no matter how good he was in surgery, curing and saving patients of the hopeless cases, he realized that he had absolutely no control over the greatest enemy of all mankind... time... when qi xiu was diagnosed with acute liver inflammation, which drastically worsens with each minute and curable only with a miracle of an available compatible liver.


he is rash and impatient, but grows to think before taking his actions thanks to the more cautious and rational qi xiu, and sun qian who is the girl he eventually falls for. an extrovert who loves to help others, giving free medical care and preferring to open a clinic to help the poor and homeless people than stay in the bigshot hospital where fame and limelight are imminent. cool and cheeky (his cheekiness knows no bounds i tell you). daring and spontaneous.

michael zhang plays mo fan brilliantly. and i would say that acting wise, he's showed greater depth and acting range than dylan kuo as for this character there are plenty of comic reliefs, serious moments, crying and anger, crushed spirit when he realized he could do nothing except wait for a miracle in qi xiu's case. he's definitely a new addition to my favourite actors list which also include johnny depp, gary sinise, bosco wong and damien lau.


mo fan character brings light to the screen, especially with his pairing with sun qian. they are very compatible, funny, hilarious and so cute together. absolutely great chemistry. never seen such a compatible couple in a series since lawrence ng and choi siu fun in "healing hands".


sun qian is quite a reporter who is, like mo fan, gifted with a good mind of imaginations and ideas. she's brave (bonus prerequisite as a reporter), not afraid to speak her mind and always keeping the ones she care for happy. perhaps these characteristics which were somewhat similar to yi ning (but different in her own way) were what made mo fan attracted to her. even the similarities were noted by professor liu (yi ning's father) which had sadly reminded him of his daughter whom he dearly missed due to coma and would never see ever again.


another thing i like about this series was yi ning's style of dressing. for most of the series though she appeared in hospital clothes. hahaa. but for the little screen time she had, i think she has a good sense of style.. or rather the stylist who styled the character has a good sense of style. long skirts paired with long blouses and boots. i like. too bad it's not practical to wear long sleeves and long skirts in malaysian weather. born in wrong country? hahahaa. plus, her hair = long + wave and curls in the right places + really jet black + shiny + no rambut gatal sticking out at the wrong places = envy. really wished i could find pictures online that show yi ning's style, but it's so hard to find. sigh. maybe because of limited screen time.


so bo liao right? but sorry gals.. can't help myself larrr. i've been deprived of gorgeous guys ever since my university life began.. when do i exactly get the chance to feast my eyes? it's summer holiday! it is time to do bo liao things! hahaa. watching taiwanese dramas not only for the guys, but also for the girls.. just kidding. actually, to better my half-past-six mandarin speaking command lar.

now i feel like renting the series and watching it from beginning until the end again. one of the very rare series that i like and actually make an effort to catch each episode. i grew to be quite picky about what i watch these days, thanks to limited time i have to watch any tv if at all, contributed by university life... or is it just my life that is like that?? maybe it could be the realization of the essence and value of time in hand.


the end of my boliao-ness. hahaa.

In love with 白袍之戀

since last month, i've been hooked on 白袍之戀 (bai pao zhi lian). a taiwanese series showing on astro shuang xing channel. who else is watching it? nobody?? hahaa. thought so. jue bu jue de hen qi kuai xiang dao wo gen zhu kan "bai pao zhi lian" (finding it weird that i watch "bai pao zhi lian")?

basically the story centres around two medical doctors, mo fan and qi xiu. the former extremely talented but rebellious, the latter dedicated and rational. mo fan grew up with this girl, yi ning (the professor's daughter), and they thought they would end up marrying each other... until qi xiu (a new student) enters the picture. then the girl gets a disease called rasmussen's encephalitis... and then the story goes on and on for episodesssssssssss after that.


a great heart-wrenching and heart-tickling story nonetheless. one reason i love it is the story and plot. i know people say that those who love sad stories never experience heartache and heartbreak first hand. hahaa. well, i don't LOVE all weepy sob stories i watch, e.g. winter sonata especially the last 8 episodes where crying necessarily takes place throughout each 45-minute episode. reminds me of 青青河边草, but at least 青青河边草 was more endurable, probably because of - again - great story and issues. 白袍之戀 has a mixture of humour (witty jokes.. not lame ones) and serious romance. balanced.

the two male leads are so sooo sooooo... [the cursor has been blinking on the same spot for the past 7 minutes and 12 seconds cuz i can't think of exactly what words to describe] i've fallen in love with both characters. seriously if there were such guys alive, i would have fallen head over heels for them. but tough luck lar. good (looking) and compatible guys are either taken or *cough* gay *cough*. both are brilliant doctors, but nothing close to arrogant.



qi xiu is steady one.. dedicated, loyal, down to earth, speaks mandarin in such a deep and (i have to admit) sexy voice, great smile... he's so cool, shy, serious, rarely emotional but is so very sweet, gentle and caring towards yi ning. he's such a character to watch that you can't resist feeling sad when he's sad, feeling heartache when he's heart broken, smiling when he's being so sweet and detailed. protective but not over-protective. can melt lar if got boyfriend like that.


at least dylan kuo (the actor who plays qi xiu) looks and acts more convincing as a doctor than jerry yan. maybe i'm biased. it's not a secret that i don't like jerry yan. i know there's one friend who would kill me for saying this, but dylan kuo is better an actor than jerry yan.. or rather showed greater improvement from their debut series. furthermore, i find that jerry often needs to say out loud how he feels or what he thinks in scenes in order for the audience to actually know what on earth was supposed to go on in his mind.. it's a weakness IMO. which is why i'm more impressed with dylan who has wider range of expression and didn't need to say everything out to be able to capture the substance of the character. but then againm maybe these are differences in characters they play at fault.

singing-wise... jerry shouldn't sing. even in studio recordings he sounds flat throughout. as for dylan, i wouldn't say his voice is that great but he sounds better. maybe because his voice is deeper, huskier and not so sucked in? hahahaa. pretty decent lah. but nothing too hoo-haah fantastic-bombastic if compared to jay chou, david tao, leehom, jj lin, nicholas teo and guang liang.


but wa tak suka his hairstyle in this show. good thing his usual style is short, but he looks young and sort of bad-boyish in that style. i do see why he needed to grow it ala F4 style (long, mop-like). looks more serious, like a doctor. why did qi xiu have to die in the end?? after 7 years of finding a cure for his girlfriend, waiting for her to wake up from coma only to realize she had forgotten everything that had happened in the past 7 years, and then he is strucked by acute liver inflammation which is 70% fatal. only then she remembers everything. the scene in which he proposes to her and then dies in her arms was so sad. and knowing me who gets emotional and teary everytime i see someone cry/sad.. sigh... you sendiri faham-faham lah.

qi xiu did show symptoms of acute liver inflammation (probably he was infected with hepatitis B/C/D virus through blood which had seeped through his wounds). sadly enough but true the symptoms are not very obvious nor serious, which was bad. he had loss of appetite, paleness, more tired... the worst part is that "acute" defines short-term sudden massive attack of the viruses with death most likely within several days or at most 6 months. see, the liver is crucial for storing glycogen (important for energy), numerous biochemical activities and detoxification of toxins and drugs in the body. if the liver cannot function, your blood eventually gets poisoned, etc.

go here, here and here to read more. best treatment is liver transplant. probably the most difficult issue in cases of acute liver inflammation is difficulty in getting even one available liver donor and more so, compatible one. and even after transplant, one have to pray that the body doesn't reject the organ.


another thing that is great about 白袍之戀 is the relationship between qi xiu and mo fan. i like how the writer portrays and develops their relationship, friendship and rivalry.

they were rivals as they were the best in their field, rivals in love with the same girl and rivals as doctors in the same hospital. despite ups and downs and rivalry, you see nothing less than mutual respect and growing trust they have with each other. that's strong friendship. they were enemies of enemies, and yet they were tight-knitted buddies... like brothers.

What a joke/embarrassment/disappointment...

so. we have a vision 2020.

we want to improve every aspect in our country to make it one of the forerunners of developing countries. we want to improve our education system.

and we want to evolve our teaching methods to suit the 21st century. simply because the message and knowledge remain the same, but the method must change. old things just don't work no more.

and we want to raise the standards of our local graduates from primary school to high school to college to university. in other words, we want to produce high-quality and well-equipped graduates for their next stage.

and we want to increase the passing rate of the nation. how?? by raising the quality of our education... right?

nahh.. this is how they do it.



by decreasing the limits of all grades by 5 marks. now you just score a 35, and you pass. and you can score a 66 in a paper and proudly declare that you scored an A... when it's very well a B. or C by college/university's standards.

revamped system? my foot.

how is this supposed to help our malaysian students? ok. so the excuse is we want to get HELP them into colleges by HELPING them qualify with "better" grades. but hey, how exactly are we helping them? how exactly are we preparing our high school graduates for colleges and universities, where the passing mark is 50? with even harder things to learn, challenging stuff to digest and remember? siao.

it's such a joke you know.. embarrassment.. disappointment.. whatever you wanna call it cuz i can't even begin to choose one that suits.

look. i may be able to accept the new system IF the syllabus was getting harder and tougher. but without even checking through the new textbooks, i know they can't be any harder than what i had five years ago and what our parents had back in the 1960's and 1970's. for goodness sake, the students should REJOICE that progression was taken out of additional mathematics!

i can't help but think whether the public school system is providing and preparing students these days well enough to send them through to college? i mean, tell me.. throughout your years in forms 4 and 5, how many times have you actually conducted a proper experiment? or even handled an apparatus? or even get introduced to lab apparatus? or even taught how to use and manage a pipette, or how to measure volume using a burette? you know Benedict's solution turns blue in the presence of a reducing sugar (cuz you were taught about it in school), but how many of you have ever seen that happen with your eyes in school?

lowering of mark-grading limits... wouldn't that spoil them? allowing them to glide into their comfort zone? not pushing themselves harder? building a future of laziness and convenience dependency.

ironically, this new marking and grading system may truthfully reflect or somewhat reflect the real grading system used in SPM.. which is often always reduced. for me, i never understood how i ever got a B3 for Moral in SPM when the highest i ever got in school was C5.

I'm having the blues.. Exam blues.

3 bananas
1/2 bag of keropok udang
1 big mug of ice milo (buatan sendiri)
1 apple, peeled and fresh out of the coolness of fridge
5 pieces of fried fish fillet in Thai sweet spicy sauce
2 mini cornettos

i don't know why the glutton-ness just now after the MBB paper. probably used up a lot of ATPs (energy) in writing furiously non-stop while brain requiring extra harvest of energy to read, analyze, digest and vomit out facts onto the paper.

now gimme the other half bag of keropok udang.

--------------------------------------------------------------

my brain is so exhausted and stressed out at the moment. there're just too many freaking things to remember for MBB. cramming them all into my head.. remembering diagrams, that's my forte actually.. as long as i can remember diagrams, the facts come freely. by God's grace and my hopefully undistracted, undying fascination as well as a sponge-like mind... i'll get at least 70% average for this semester dammit.

now with the end of MBB (whose prospects were greatly dimmed within the 180 minutes of gruelling paper - too many things to write, too little time), thought i had to delete everything related to MBB in my head. wrong. MBB and my next paper, Genomics & Molecular Genetics, have plenty of overlapping syllabus and stuff. when you do it next semester, you'll know what i mean. i think MBB makes genomics a lot easier to understand cuz it's just repeating the same thing all over in your head. i hope the paper is much simpler though. answer four essay questions. how exciting.

this post can't be too long. i have to stick my nose back into my books. but a few hundred more words wouldn't hurt. heeheeheehee. kidding. just a few more paragraphs o.O

beginning of my first year, i was so eager to get two degrees - biotechnology and medical bioscience. right now, in the first half of my third year, i'm already so sick of studying and exams. i hate exams. they make you sit in the freaking freezing hall for 2-3 hours, to answer questions after questions after questions. in the end, you get your marks but you don't know where your marks came from. or where you went wrong. or where you were right. in the end, do you really know what you know at all?

i wished that us as students and people were not measured simply by how much you score. sad and cruel. i mean, if someone died in a freak accident (and i'm not implicating or sumpah-ing anyone in particular.. just think general), if he or she was a C or even a B-average student in SPM or A levels, you don't see the newspapers reporting "so and so had just obtained 5 Bs, 4 Cs and 1Ds in the current SPM last week". you always see how many As, and even better straight As'. cuz that's what's important right? stupid discrimination.

i need to get the heck out of there. i'll go crazy if i were to stay extended one year there going to lectures, writing reports every week, cracking head doing assignments and tests. i know i will. i just know it.

it's one phase of life i can't wait and am afraid to end. after that?

How to tell when you have a REALLY bad cold?

your sniffing is as often and in tempo with the beat of techno music.

your voice adopts a huskier and sexier tone.. oohlalaa.

you have headaches because you blowed your nose too hard.

your head's so messed up, you can't think straight.

you become familiar with small, round and red bitter pills which are the so-called ultimate answer to cold and flus. cold-inflicting viruses fear them! die virus die! muahahaa.

you find yourself sneezing more often than you breathe.

and your eyes tearing up more often as well. blame the flu, not sad weepy movies.

your new best friends are sleep, water and tissues. lots of 'em.

you dream about eating ice-creams, drinking ice-cold juices, snow..

your lose your sense of taste. food sweet, sour, bitter, salty.. all taste the same.

you add and add and add soya sauce into your porridge more than the usual, so much that it looks like you've had soya sauce in higher proportion than the porridge itself. can't help it when your taste buds' busted!

you thank God that you can't smell methane bomb people let go in crowded elevator or in the car.

you begin to wonder why cold is called cold, and not hot or steam or blizzard?

you blog about "how to tell when you have a really bad cold"

and sneezed about no less than eight times from the time you began typing until the very last word.

What went wrong?

How can someone or just anyone get past security guards...
Armed with a loaded gun...
Right into school buildings. Unknown...
Until it is too late.
Innocent lives put at risk.
As pleading falls to deaf ears.
While some lives were spared, unfortunate ones were taken..
Those who wanted to live, had so much to live for and so much to give.
Unjustly, they were robbed by these thieves.
Death or no death, this is wrong.
This is so wrong.
This should not be happening.
In fact this should have never happen.

Schools should be a safe place for our children.
And for our children's children...
For their children and for many generations to come.
Is this a sign of what the future - our future - will be based on?
Fear? Violence? Hatred? Destruction?
Nobody knows.
But we know what we do have.
And that is hope.
The hope of change.

Right the wrong before the wrong becomes right.

From the Streets of Sunway to the Ball.

- monash street party -


yeah, only one picture.. hehee. whatudu? it was raining mahhh. sayang the camera.
i have no idea why the camera says 2004, but the street party was the first monash had ever and it was held this year, 2006.

-------------------------------------------------------------
- monash ball -

this year monash had the ball at hotel istana kuda-kuda emas, the seven-star palace where all the horses with golden fur, golden mane and golden eyes in the world stay at :P. when they chose this place, it was a great blessing cuz it was sooooooo soooooooooooooooooooo near my house. i probably took only five minutes to reach home. hahahaa.

the ball was scheduled to start at 7.30pm. and we left at 7.50pm. we reached there late at around 8.30pm due to utterly bad judgment of time allocated for preparation. thank goodness the traffic was as smooth as riding the ocean waves. although we reached late, the only part we missed was the opening speech by the student body president, eric teng. by the time i was outside the ballroom, i thought i heard our pro-vice chancellor finishing her speech and the waiters/waitresses in their places outside ready to barge into the hall with the opening dish. what better timing eh?


carpool buddies: me, adillah, merlyn and suzan. jane was the other one (not in pic). do you see two brown and two green? see shark's fins?


what a candid photo. among all the pictures of the night, this one is my favourite! we weren't ready to be snapped. don't know why. gelak tak tentu pasal. hehee.


next, madhulika joins us from the next table in the group photo. basically, we were hunting for others especially pranati, simran and krishna who were seated at a table that only-god-and-them-know-where. we went walking around the ballroom, trying our best not to embarrass ourselves and not block anybody's view of the stage in the process. failing miserably.

and when i found pranati outside the ballroom (almost thirty minutes later), i couldn't resist pulling her in for a photo of just both of us - hehee - since the one we took during cultural night didn't turn out nicely. this girl shared ditto timetable with me since mufy up to our sophomore year. i can say that life in mufy would have been such a bore without her around. period.


and of course, the big group photo! man.. just look at my arms. sigh. need to get them toned and evenly-tanned. cuz right now i look like i'm wearing a permanent short-sleeved shirt.


dang. should have worn cheongsam. hehehee. so far, my pictures only have me and my gal pals in them right? actually i have some shots with guys also but just not with mine or suzan or adillah's camera. will get the pictures much later. so at the moment, i only have one with eason and shi kang. dunno whether they pakat wear striped shirts.


i don't know why i look so sleepy. can't really do much expression with my eyes though. small mah.. hahahaa. if i sit in the middle of the lecture hall and sleep, i bet the lecturer can't even tell from the front.


caught this girl just outside the ladies', my once-upon-a-time biochemistry lab partner. always very sleepy in class. but she's got great and warm personality.


cheers!
nak lagi? sabar ya... good things will come to those who patiently wait and diligently seek them. hehehee.

This is her story.. from the heart.

with her eyes closed, she saw bits and pieces of her life replayed in her mind in a dream. but it was not a dream. what it was, in fact, was the story of her life from childhood through adolescence. things were so much easier in the past. choices. decisions. life itself. it was hard not to wonder why. it was hard not to want life as simple as that. they all seemed distant like a fairytale.. although they were once part of her life. real. neither fantasy nor fiction.

when she was much younger, life was simpler and easy. whenever she was hungry, daddy would spread his wings and fly away, returning soon for her with more than she needed or wanted. whenever she missed a step or fell, her mother would be there to guide her back onto her feet. whenever she was faced with choices or problems, there were always parents to make the decision for her and they were always right. they were always there to correct her whenever she did wrong. mistakes made then were much easier to rectify. lessons taught then were easier follow and easier to understand.

she is growing older. she realized that she would get entangled in situations where she has to make decisions anytime and anyhow. she could ask advice from her parents and others but ultimately, it will be her own to make. it was hard to turn around each time and correct any mistakes she had made. it's even much harder when she has to live through the consequences of her mistakes. when reality hit hard, the hardest of all was probably when she doesn't know whether she has made the right choice or that she regretted her choice. corrections are like bitter pills - hard to swallow.

the weight on her shoulders has become increasingly heavier day by day. it was the weight of responsibility for herself to herself, her parents and to others. unknowingly, the full weight of this burden has been laid upon her ever since she was born. it was only when she grew and matured that she had begun to feel this weight. carrying this weight will only make her stronger.

as much as she hates it, life and choices go hand-in-hand. she realized that in order to pursue a better life, there would be more choices to make. they would be increasingly difficult to make. they bring great expectations with great consequences either way.

she sat there thinking. not knowing if it was the right decision made. maybe it was just a matter of a different direction in life. can there be right or wrong in this case? maybe not.

she does know one thing though. although life may be much easier back then, events of her past have been, now are and will always be things of her past. there are no rooms for u-turns in her life. she cringes and sometimes gets to the point of frustration when others remind her of past events of her life especially when they concerned the matter of the heart and mind. particularly more so when the events did not end on a high note... don't they know that they'd become stale after a while? don't they know that they become tiresome sooner or later? don't they know how difficult it was to let go? don't they know how much pain they've caused? why do they still wanna push her back? don't they want her to move on, and not fall back?

don't they want what's best for her in life? and that is different from what they think is best for her in life? don't they care what she wants and that she's happy now? don't they matter?

there is no denial that everything that happened was part of her life, but hey, she's moved on. deal with it. respect her choice. don't keep dragging her back into the potholes she had once struggled to get out. for her sake. please. let her live her life the way she chooses to and with her own principles... not the way you think is right or perfect for her, not the way you think it should be and not the way you think she should. life is real, not a fantasy.

Moan-day Blues.

[12.00am] was typing my brains out. what a way to start off my day. had plenty of this practically everyday over the past two years of my university life. nothing new. but nothing that i like.

[01.00am] still typing my brains out. but there was nothing left in my brains. so. basically i was typing nothing. begun merepek-ing.

[01.40am] then realized that i hardly have any time and energy left to edit my genomics essay. so i just printed the whole thing out. crossing my fingers on this one. boy.. you don't know how musical the sound of my assignment printing were to my ears.

[02.00am] went to sleep. maybe it was a bad idea to have the mind so active up till the minute before bedtime. my mind was so hyper. i couldn't really fall sleep until much later. toss and turn.

[06.45am] alarm clock rang. irritated from sleep. had to drag myself out of my bed cuz carpooling with my sister to sunway (usually my class on mondays start at 10am). i needed to hand in my genomics essay before 9am anyway.

[07.10am] realized i had forgotten to fill up the gas over the weekend. had an argument with my sister from there cuz she says i like to put the blame of my mistakes on somebody else. and when i explain what i actually mean, i get accused of being arrogant, proud and having a lousy attitude. i hate it when she uses that know-it-all tone with me. hey! i can't help it if she misinterprets my words.

[08.42am] submitted my genomics essay to dr song.

[08.57am] in the freezing computer lab, started working on my mbb lab report from where i left off last night.

[09.40am] realized that i had written a big chunk of wrong theories, explanation and calculations in my report from endless Q&As with friends - suzan, colin, tj, qiao leen to name a few - who were also finishing up the same report. more headache, adding on to my lack of sleep.

[11.45am] couldn't be bothered to add in or alter any more stuff. so jelak of changing and editing liao. print. done. don't wanna see it anymore. period.

[12.30pm] trying to stay awake in mbb 2-hour lecture while fighting temptations to sleep in class. hahaa. managed to keep my eyes wide open, but doubt much went into my brain though.

[2.30pm] discovered maggots in my sauerkraut project. there goes the experiment. tested the pH, acid concentration and left it to mr samy to discard. hahaa. found that i could be fired if i was working in a sauerkraut production factory, my ultimate "dream" job. noooooo, don't take away my dream!! right.

[3.15pm] had kai si chuk with pieces of yong char kuay for lunch. don't food just taste delicious when you've been hungry since 11am?

[4.15pm] my classes ended at 2, yet i'm still in college. cuz i don't have the car, my sister has it. i don't have the car, so i can't drive home. i can't drive home, so i'm stuck waiting in campus. so i waited and chatted with suzan.

[4.35pm] waited and chatted some more.

[5.10pm] still waiting. i hate waiting especially when i'm tired and have nothing to do. driving myself is definitely better, more flexible and more freedom.

[5.25pm] wait wait wait. chat chat chat.

[5.45pm] she comes! she finally comes! muahahahaa.

[6.30pm] home sweet home.

[7.50pm] decided that i'm too sleepy to do anything fruitful that requires thinking. decided to watch tv. :)

[8.10pm] watched america's next top model while eating ice-cream. by the end of it, was wondering if it was fair to eliminate kim who was a good model and well-behaved, and not bre although she has greater potential in modelling has a big time attitude problem, who has no professionalism and was extremely rude to her peers. maybe reality is.. working world just isn't fair. i would have fired bre instead of kim. talent and potential can be nurtured, but unprofessionalism and childishness i will not tolerate.

[8.45pm] caught the little final bit of everybody loves raymond. ate mangoes.

[9.00pm] waited for numb3rs to start but later found out they were not showing it.. geram.

[10.02pm] watched house. good thing they didn't cancel this show. if not, i'll boycott axn until csi miami on wednesday. heehee.

[11.18pm] made a mental note to sleep soon and not to wake up until eight hours later.

Sexist remarks are a BIG turn-off

"So... What are you gonna do after you graduate?"

"I don't know. Find work lah I guess. Then do what? Takkan wanna stay at home and rot."

"But not easy to find work in Malaysia ehh.."

"Yeah I know. The biotech industry is not expanding fast enough as the BIG people said it was going to be."

"But you girls have it easy lah."

"... Huh? What is that supposed to mean?"

"If cannot find work, just find a guy and get married. Then stay at home, become
housewife. No need to worry. Just let the husband do all the work, all the worrying
and find all the money."

"......................"

Dear friend, the guy whom I've became friends with several months ago, but almost never talk to these days. for one too many reasons and misunderstandings unclarified between us.

I can't help but feel amused, somewhat insulted, plain uneasiness and rather disappointed at something you said when we had lunch together one day. Particularly more so since I didn't actually get to reply to what you said. Can't remember what you said? I don't blame you. It was probably insignificant and no big deal to you. But I definitely can't get it off my mind.

Amusing. Simply amusing. I'm surprised and totally amazed that there are people who still think like this now. I so totally hate that kind of narrow-minded perspective. I mean, come on, what century are you living in? Time has evolved, man. Wake up!

So you think women are born and bred with only one purpose that is to get married off? tTat we're trophies to be kept at home and showed off? Our value is worth more than that. I'm glad most women now notice that. I'm sorry that you evolved so slowly.

I should have given you a piece of my mind there and then. Come to think about it, I don't know why in the world I didn't. Given in any other circumstances, I would and I should have. Maybe it was because I did not know you that well at that time, I was probably trying to add two and two together in my mind to sum up your character which by the way, kinda turn me off a hefty lot. In case you're wondering. And maybe I was in shock.

Firstly, women do not and will not just simply marry any random Tom, Dick and Harry we bump into in the streets. Secondly, good guys don't just fall off from heaven and land right next to us. In other words, we don't exactly have it easy. It's a harsh fact of life but nevertheless true. Marriage is really once in a lifetime. How can we just marry any guy? And what was I thinking going on a date with you.

It's hard to find and know if the one is the one. He must fulfil the 6c requirements. Nope - not credit card, cash, car, condominium, career and club memberships. But of compatibility, companionship, comfort, co-partnership (equality, sharing same goals and passion in life), care and compassion.

I think given the opportunity and choices women have these days, I count it as a blessing to have a career. My parents invested so much in me to get me an education. The least I could do is repay them. To date, I've invested 17 years out of the 21 years that I've had so far in getting educated. And that is not cheap. The least I could do is repay my own hard effort by putting into use the knowledge and skills I've gained. Earning and making my own money. Learning the ropes in the industry. Getting first-hand experience. Getting a raise and promotions. Stuff like that.

Maybe you didn't mean it this way when you said what you said. But hey! If you don't want it to mean otherwise, phrase your thoughts properly. Or explain yourself. Even if it was just a joke or a remark. Go for communication skills workshop! Either way it was still sexist because whatever that comes out of your mouth has to come from some part of you. Just so you know. this approach is anything but good to use when you're trying to impress or get a girl. It'll just repel them.. someway or another. So unless you have a change of mindset, try thinking before you say anything.

Sincerely,
Daesi.. the one whose weight you asked a thousand times, but to this day and forever will remain as none of your freaking business.

Random pictures & their stories.

just look who i caught comfortably nuzzling and melepak-ing on my dad's car parked in the front porch, sheltering from the glaring fiercely-hot sun? the neighbour's cat. their cats by far the most frequent un-human visitors to my house. aside from the monkeys of course. showed this picture to my dad who said, "aiyahh... that fella went and scratched my car lah. tsk tsk tsk." and jokingly adding, "wanna use my car, must pay rent. 5-star hotel rate."

bought these four books for half-price each, just weeks before the last semester of my sophomore year began. a long long time ago. so far i've only read the harmony silk factory by our very own tash aw and the curious incident of a dog in the night time by mark haddon. both were good, but i found the latter a more interesting read. maybe because the story was told from the point of a mentally-challenged teenage boy and you get to venture into his mind, his way of thoughts, his way of analyzing situations and reasons behind his behaviour. don't know when i'll start on the remaining two. maybe after my last paper in november. or after my sister's wedding in december. or maybe after... i dunno.

last week, i went to sunway pyramid to hunt for a prom dress together with pranati. found nothing suitable there, either they were too loose or too tight or overpriced or ridiculously ugly. i ended up buying a skirt from warehouse. they have a pretty good range of pretty skirts reasonably priced. i'll definitely go back there next time. initially, i liked and wanted to buy this particular skirt but i thought of coming back for it later. but when i came back, someone else bought my skirt already! my skirt! if i see anyone wearing my skirt in college, i'm so gonna rip it off! :P anyway, i found another one (the one in the pic) and bought it. hence, got skirt no dress. mission failed. then on saturday, i went to nicci fashion city at jalan sungai besi with my sister for the same mission. came out with a dark brown cropped jacket and a tank top. still, no dress. mission failed.. again. sigh. sucks being a girl.

this was taken while on the way home from jalan ipoh yesterday. i followed my sister yesterday to white palace for my sister's wedding dress selection and fitting, together with her fiance and his sister. couldn't get any snapshots of the dresses though. the only good part about the bridal house would probably be the wedding dresses. i would give two thumbs-up for that. their evening gowns were only so-so. but service-wise, i'll rate it a BiG [ F A T ] F for many reasons including public display of obvious impatience and non-satisfaction, rudeness and sour faces. i mean man... they seriously need lessons on smiling and how to nurture customer-friendly behaviour irregardless of the package price the customers are paying cuz they suck at it. big time. i know now where NOT to go to when i get married.

meet rufus, my sister's fiance's dog. all golden and handsome. heehee. he was awfully very compliant and behaving himself whilst i was snapping a few pictures of him posing. fuiyoh. got looks, got patience, got brains.. ada potensi menjadi model. hehe. what's left is a break.

wished my mom would let us have a pet. but unfortunately...