What went wrong?

How can someone or just anyone get past security guards...
Armed with a loaded gun...
Right into school buildings. Unknown...
Until it is too late.
Innocent lives put at risk.
As pleading falls to deaf ears.
While some lives were spared, unfortunate ones were taken..
Those who wanted to live, had so much to live for and so much to give.
Unjustly, they were robbed by these thieves.
Death or no death, this is wrong.
This is so wrong.
This should not be happening.
In fact this should have never happen.

Schools should be a safe place for our children.
And for our children's children...
For their children and for many generations to come.
Is this a sign of what the future - our future - will be based on?
Fear? Violence? Hatred? Destruction?
Nobody knows.
But we know what we do have.
And that is hope.
The hope of change.

Right the wrong before the wrong becomes right.

From the Streets of Sunway to the Ball.

- monash street party -


yeah, only one picture.. hehee. whatudu? it was raining mahhh. sayang the camera.
i have no idea why the camera says 2004, but the street party was the first monash had ever and it was held this year, 2006.

-------------------------------------------------------------
- monash ball -

this year monash had the ball at hotel istana kuda-kuda emas, the seven-star palace where all the horses with golden fur, golden mane and golden eyes in the world stay at :P. when they chose this place, it was a great blessing cuz it was sooooooo soooooooooooooooooooo near my house. i probably took only five minutes to reach home. hahahaa.

the ball was scheduled to start at 7.30pm. and we left at 7.50pm. we reached there late at around 8.30pm due to utterly bad judgment of time allocated for preparation. thank goodness the traffic was as smooth as riding the ocean waves. although we reached late, the only part we missed was the opening speech by the student body president, eric teng. by the time i was outside the ballroom, i thought i heard our pro-vice chancellor finishing her speech and the waiters/waitresses in their places outside ready to barge into the hall with the opening dish. what better timing eh?


carpool buddies: me, adillah, merlyn and suzan. jane was the other one (not in pic). do you see two brown and two green? see shark's fins?


what a candid photo. among all the pictures of the night, this one is my favourite! we weren't ready to be snapped. don't know why. gelak tak tentu pasal. hehee.


next, madhulika joins us from the next table in the group photo. basically, we were hunting for others especially pranati, simran and krishna who were seated at a table that only-god-and-them-know-where. we went walking around the ballroom, trying our best not to embarrass ourselves and not block anybody's view of the stage in the process. failing miserably.

and when i found pranati outside the ballroom (almost thirty minutes later), i couldn't resist pulling her in for a photo of just both of us - hehee - since the one we took during cultural night didn't turn out nicely. this girl shared ditto timetable with me since mufy up to our sophomore year. i can say that life in mufy would have been such a bore without her around. period.


and of course, the big group photo! man.. just look at my arms. sigh. need to get them toned and evenly-tanned. cuz right now i look like i'm wearing a permanent short-sleeved shirt.


dang. should have worn cheongsam. hehehee. so far, my pictures only have me and my gal pals in them right? actually i have some shots with guys also but just not with mine or suzan or adillah's camera. will get the pictures much later. so at the moment, i only have one with eason and shi kang. dunno whether they pakat wear striped shirts.


i don't know why i look so sleepy. can't really do much expression with my eyes though. small mah.. hahahaa. if i sit in the middle of the lecture hall and sleep, i bet the lecturer can't even tell from the front.


caught this girl just outside the ladies', my once-upon-a-time biochemistry lab partner. always very sleepy in class. but she's got great and warm personality.


cheers!
nak lagi? sabar ya... good things will come to those who patiently wait and diligently seek them. hehehee.

This is her story.. from the heart.

with her eyes closed, she saw bits and pieces of her life replayed in her mind in a dream. but it was not a dream. what it was, in fact, was the story of her life from childhood through adolescence. things were so much easier in the past. choices. decisions. life itself. it was hard not to wonder why. it was hard not to want life as simple as that. they all seemed distant like a fairytale.. although they were once part of her life. real. neither fantasy nor fiction.

when she was much younger, life was simpler and easy. whenever she was hungry, daddy would spread his wings and fly away, returning soon for her with more than she needed or wanted. whenever she missed a step or fell, her mother would be there to guide her back onto her feet. whenever she was faced with choices or problems, there were always parents to make the decision for her and they were always right. they were always there to correct her whenever she did wrong. mistakes made then were much easier to rectify. lessons taught then were easier follow and easier to understand.

she is growing older. she realized that she would get entangled in situations where she has to make decisions anytime and anyhow. she could ask advice from her parents and others but ultimately, it will be her own to make. it was hard to turn around each time and correct any mistakes she had made. it's even much harder when she has to live through the consequences of her mistakes. when reality hit hard, the hardest of all was probably when she doesn't know whether she has made the right choice or that she regretted her choice. corrections are like bitter pills - hard to swallow.

the weight on her shoulders has become increasingly heavier day by day. it was the weight of responsibility for herself to herself, her parents and to others. unknowingly, the full weight of this burden has been laid upon her ever since she was born. it was only when she grew and matured that she had begun to feel this weight. carrying this weight will only make her stronger.

as much as she hates it, life and choices go hand-in-hand. she realized that in order to pursue a better life, there would be more choices to make. they would be increasingly difficult to make. they bring great expectations with great consequences either way.

she sat there thinking. not knowing if it was the right decision made. maybe it was just a matter of a different direction in life. can there be right or wrong in this case? maybe not.

she does know one thing though. although life may be much easier back then, events of her past have been, now are and will always be things of her past. there are no rooms for u-turns in her life. she cringes and sometimes gets to the point of frustration when others remind her of past events of her life especially when they concerned the matter of the heart and mind. particularly more so when the events did not end on a high note... don't they know that they'd become stale after a while? don't they know that they become tiresome sooner or later? don't they know how difficult it was to let go? don't they know how much pain they've caused? why do they still wanna push her back? don't they want her to move on, and not fall back?

don't they want what's best for her in life? and that is different from what they think is best for her in life? don't they care what she wants and that she's happy now? don't they matter?

there is no denial that everything that happened was part of her life, but hey, she's moved on. deal with it. respect her choice. don't keep dragging her back into the potholes she had once struggled to get out. for her sake. please. let her live her life the way she chooses to and with her own principles... not the way you think is right or perfect for her, not the way you think it should be and not the way you think she should. life is real, not a fantasy.

Moan-day Blues.

[12.00am] was typing my brains out. what a way to start off my day. had plenty of this practically everyday over the past two years of my university life. nothing new. but nothing that i like.

[01.00am] still typing my brains out. but there was nothing left in my brains. so. basically i was typing nothing. begun merepek-ing.

[01.40am] then realized that i hardly have any time and energy left to edit my genomics essay. so i just printed the whole thing out. crossing my fingers on this one. boy.. you don't know how musical the sound of my assignment printing were to my ears.

[02.00am] went to sleep. maybe it was a bad idea to have the mind so active up till the minute before bedtime. my mind was so hyper. i couldn't really fall sleep until much later. toss and turn.

[06.45am] alarm clock rang. irritated from sleep. had to drag myself out of my bed cuz carpooling with my sister to sunway (usually my class on mondays start at 10am). i needed to hand in my genomics essay before 9am anyway.

[07.10am] realized i had forgotten to fill up the gas over the weekend. had an argument with my sister from there cuz she says i like to put the blame of my mistakes on somebody else. and when i explain what i actually mean, i get accused of being arrogant, proud and having a lousy attitude. i hate it when she uses that know-it-all tone with me. hey! i can't help it if she misinterprets my words.

[08.42am] submitted my genomics essay to dr song.

[08.57am] in the freezing computer lab, started working on my mbb lab report from where i left off last night.

[09.40am] realized that i had written a big chunk of wrong theories, explanation and calculations in my report from endless Q&As with friends - suzan, colin, tj, qiao leen to name a few - who were also finishing up the same report. more headache, adding on to my lack of sleep.

[11.45am] couldn't be bothered to add in or alter any more stuff. so jelak of changing and editing liao. print. done. don't wanna see it anymore. period.

[12.30pm] trying to stay awake in mbb 2-hour lecture while fighting temptations to sleep in class. hahaa. managed to keep my eyes wide open, but doubt much went into my brain though.

[2.30pm] discovered maggots in my sauerkraut project. there goes the experiment. tested the pH, acid concentration and left it to mr samy to discard. hahaa. found that i could be fired if i was working in a sauerkraut production factory, my ultimate "dream" job. noooooo, don't take away my dream!! right.

[3.15pm] had kai si chuk with pieces of yong char kuay for lunch. don't food just taste delicious when you've been hungry since 11am?

[4.15pm] my classes ended at 2, yet i'm still in college. cuz i don't have the car, my sister has it. i don't have the car, so i can't drive home. i can't drive home, so i'm stuck waiting in campus. so i waited and chatted with suzan.

[4.35pm] waited and chatted some more.

[5.10pm] still waiting. i hate waiting especially when i'm tired and have nothing to do. driving myself is definitely better, more flexible and more freedom.

[5.25pm] wait wait wait. chat chat chat.

[5.45pm] she comes! she finally comes! muahahahaa.

[6.30pm] home sweet home.

[7.50pm] decided that i'm too sleepy to do anything fruitful that requires thinking. decided to watch tv. :)

[8.10pm] watched america's next top model while eating ice-cream. by the end of it, was wondering if it was fair to eliminate kim who was a good model and well-behaved, and not bre although she has greater potential in modelling has a big time attitude problem, who has no professionalism and was extremely rude to her peers. maybe reality is.. working world just isn't fair. i would have fired bre instead of kim. talent and potential can be nurtured, but unprofessionalism and childishness i will not tolerate.

[8.45pm] caught the little final bit of everybody loves raymond. ate mangoes.

[9.00pm] waited for numb3rs to start but later found out they were not showing it.. geram.

[10.02pm] watched house. good thing they didn't cancel this show. if not, i'll boycott axn until csi miami on wednesday. heehee.

[11.18pm] made a mental note to sleep soon and not to wake up until eight hours later.

Sexist remarks are a BIG turn-off

"So... What are you gonna do after you graduate?"

"I don't know. Find work lah I guess. Then do what? Takkan wanna stay at home and rot."

"But not easy to find work in Malaysia ehh.."

"Yeah I know. The biotech industry is not expanding fast enough as the BIG people said it was going to be."

"But you girls have it easy lah."

"... Huh? What is that supposed to mean?"

"If cannot find work, just find a guy and get married. Then stay at home, become
housewife. No need to worry. Just let the husband do all the work, all the worrying
and find all the money."

"......................"

Dear friend, the guy whom I've became friends with several months ago, but almost never talk to these days. for one too many reasons and misunderstandings unclarified between us.

I can't help but feel amused, somewhat insulted, plain uneasiness and rather disappointed at something you said when we had lunch together one day. Particularly more so since I didn't actually get to reply to what you said. Can't remember what you said? I don't blame you. It was probably insignificant and no big deal to you. But I definitely can't get it off my mind.

Amusing. Simply amusing. I'm surprised and totally amazed that there are people who still think like this now. I so totally hate that kind of narrow-minded perspective. I mean, come on, what century are you living in? Time has evolved, man. Wake up!

So you think women are born and bred with only one purpose that is to get married off? tTat we're trophies to be kept at home and showed off? Our value is worth more than that. I'm glad most women now notice that. I'm sorry that you evolved so slowly.

I should have given you a piece of my mind there and then. Come to think about it, I don't know why in the world I didn't. Given in any other circumstances, I would and I should have. Maybe it was because I did not know you that well at that time, I was probably trying to add two and two together in my mind to sum up your character which by the way, kinda turn me off a hefty lot. In case you're wondering. And maybe I was in shock.

Firstly, women do not and will not just simply marry any random Tom, Dick and Harry we bump into in the streets. Secondly, good guys don't just fall off from heaven and land right next to us. In other words, we don't exactly have it easy. It's a harsh fact of life but nevertheless true. Marriage is really once in a lifetime. How can we just marry any guy? And what was I thinking going on a date with you.

It's hard to find and know if the one is the one. He must fulfil the 6c requirements. Nope - not credit card, cash, car, condominium, career and club memberships. But of compatibility, companionship, comfort, co-partnership (equality, sharing same goals and passion in life), care and compassion.

I think given the opportunity and choices women have these days, I count it as a blessing to have a career. My parents invested so much in me to get me an education. The least I could do is repay them. To date, I've invested 17 years out of the 21 years that I've had so far in getting educated. And that is not cheap. The least I could do is repay my own hard effort by putting into use the knowledge and skills I've gained. Earning and making my own money. Learning the ropes in the industry. Getting first-hand experience. Getting a raise and promotions. Stuff like that.

Maybe you didn't mean it this way when you said what you said. But hey! If you don't want it to mean otherwise, phrase your thoughts properly. Or explain yourself. Even if it was just a joke or a remark. Go for communication skills workshop! Either way it was still sexist because whatever that comes out of your mouth has to come from some part of you. Just so you know. this approach is anything but good to use when you're trying to impress or get a girl. It'll just repel them.. someway or another. So unless you have a change of mindset, try thinking before you say anything.

Sincerely,
Daesi.. the one whose weight you asked a thousand times, but to this day and forever will remain as none of your freaking business.

Random pictures & their stories.

just look who i caught comfortably nuzzling and melepak-ing on my dad's car parked in the front porch, sheltering from the glaring fiercely-hot sun? the neighbour's cat. their cats by far the most frequent un-human visitors to my house. aside from the monkeys of course. showed this picture to my dad who said, "aiyahh... that fella went and scratched my car lah. tsk tsk tsk." and jokingly adding, "wanna use my car, must pay rent. 5-star hotel rate."

bought these four books for half-price each, just weeks before the last semester of my sophomore year began. a long long time ago. so far i've only read the harmony silk factory by our very own tash aw and the curious incident of a dog in the night time by mark haddon. both were good, but i found the latter a more interesting read. maybe because the story was told from the point of a mentally-challenged teenage boy and you get to venture into his mind, his way of thoughts, his way of analyzing situations and reasons behind his behaviour. don't know when i'll start on the remaining two. maybe after my last paper in november. or after my sister's wedding in december. or maybe after... i dunno.

last week, i went to sunway pyramid to hunt for a prom dress together with pranati. found nothing suitable there, either they were too loose or too tight or overpriced or ridiculously ugly. i ended up buying a skirt from warehouse. they have a pretty good range of pretty skirts reasonably priced. i'll definitely go back there next time. initially, i liked and wanted to buy this particular skirt but i thought of coming back for it later. but when i came back, someone else bought my skirt already! my skirt! if i see anyone wearing my skirt in college, i'm so gonna rip it off! :P anyway, i found another one (the one in the pic) and bought it. hence, got skirt no dress. mission failed. then on saturday, i went to nicci fashion city at jalan sungai besi with my sister for the same mission. came out with a dark brown cropped jacket and a tank top. still, no dress. mission failed.. again. sigh. sucks being a girl.

this was taken while on the way home from jalan ipoh yesterday. i followed my sister yesterday to white palace for my sister's wedding dress selection and fitting, together with her fiance and his sister. couldn't get any snapshots of the dresses though. the only good part about the bridal house would probably be the wedding dresses. i would give two thumbs-up for that. their evening gowns were only so-so. but service-wise, i'll rate it a BiG [ F A T ] F for many reasons including public display of obvious impatience and non-satisfaction, rudeness and sour faces. i mean man... they seriously need lessons on smiling and how to nurture customer-friendly behaviour irregardless of the package price the customers are paying cuz they suck at it. big time. i know now where NOT to go to when i get married.

meet rufus, my sister's fiance's dog. all golden and handsome. heehee. he was awfully very compliant and behaving himself whilst i was snapping a few pictures of him posing. fuiyoh. got looks, got patience, got brains.. ada potensi menjadi model. hehe. what's left is a break.

wished my mom would let us have a pet. but unfortunately...

How I'll be spending my summer.

almost a year ago, i was very determined not to waste away the last summer holidays for my three-year degree course by sitting at home, not doing anything but eat, sleep, watch tv, collect dusts, dustmites and cobwebs. like what i did for my first year. i admit it was a wrong call... wasting my summer i mean.

so. few months ago, a friend mentioned "research project" which was a unit and the only science unit we, science student, could do during the summer. i wasn't too keen initially, thought of taking a business elective (accounting) instead. it kinda grew on me over the weeks cuz there were many advantages of taking this unit...
1) if i do this unit during summer, i would only have to take three units next semester. more free time and lesser pressure i hope. then i can focus more on those core units, and hopefully get better grades.
2) it would give me some lab research experience. at least. won't be so bodoh-bodoh, blur-blur when i graduate and start working.
3) although this unit is optional, it would be counted towards qualifying for honours.
4) it's something new. and i like to try new things.
5) apparently upon completing this unit, we would get a written testimonial and it's considered working experience. not so sure what it's called. but i know it'll be good for our resume. something like that lah, i'm not so sure what i heard from kok leong the other day.
6) lecturers and most seniors recommend it.
7) research has more relevance to my degree than accounting.

so. just a few hours ago, i registered myself with the lecturer. suzan too, after much persuasion and promotion. hahahaa. so it's done. i'm spending this summer in monash's science laboratory, dealing with human urine samples and analyzing them.

i'm nervous. call me jakun but i've never done a research before! it's something new and different. i'm scared. i don't know what lies ahead. i hope i made the right choices, right decision, right topic, etc.

i know this is ridiculous but i'm already beginning to worry about results, presentation and thesis. what if i don't get it right, what if i screw up in my presentation or get stucked and unable to answer the questions that the examiners asked, what if the results very tao tia. i know these are baseless. aiyohh..

but bring it on! i'm excited. cuz i'm just plainly excited! hahahaa. it's gonna be interesting. i hope. sheesh, i have a penchant for pessimism sometimes. no, no, no. have faith. it will be good. it will be fun. it will be serious work. it will be an awesome time and experience. i just know it will. heeheehee.

It's gonna be a bee-zay month alright.

my list of to-do & gonna-due stuff for september:-
1) lab management assignment #2, due on 4th september. as usual, yours truly was the editor whose tasks include correcting grammatical errors, clean up the assignment into a nice format, find and add more information and/or explanation where needed, making sure the assignment is well done with no loopholes.. hahaa. tedious work, but fun. the good thing about this subject is, you can do the minor assignments in groups.

2) molecular biology and biotechnology (mbb) 5000-word essay assignment on production of renewable energy from biomass waste, due on 4th september. again, mizflowerhorn here was the editor. and the concluder. hahaa. this one was more fun to check and edit compared to lab management's. i guess it was because the topic and the technology itself was an interesting read. merging sections together, making sure everything was coherent and comprehensible. adillah, mahani, suzan and i were pretty satisfied with the assignment overall but don't know whether that's enough since dr kan's quite so very strict. we'll see.

3) genomics' 2000-word essay worth 15% due next friday, 15th september. i think i'll be in big trouble for this one. haven't started anything. haven't decided which question to do.. only just narrowed it down to two - either about micrornas, or importance of mRNA stability in controlling eukaryotic gene expression. darn. i dont even where or how to begin.

4) mbb major lab report worth 10%, also due on 15 september... have to squeeze and compact everything into 6 pages max. these six pages would be sooooo saturated with words, important points and significant information. so much that they are more densely populated than indonesia.

5) mbb assignment #2, coming soon. due date's remains unknown, but i have a gut feeling that it's gonna be due the monday after midsem break. would that still be september?

6) gotta go shopping. need a suitable formal dress, accessories and shoes for monash ball. then there's hair and makeup issues...... can someone please remind me again why am i going?

7) during the midsemester break...
- HAVE to study genomics, especially dr robin's part. about time to figure out what he was teaching about all along. hard to make out what he's saying in class half the time cuz he eats his words while i, on my part, metabolize most of my glycogen to keep myself awake, decoding and making sense of what he says. but i have no professional training. i've tried my best.
- revise mbb and food microbiology. maybe lab management, hehee.
- food microbiology yoghurt project report, not due anytime soon.

8) have to go hunting for yet another dress. but this one's for a different occasion. a special occasion.. my sister's wedding. that's right, she's getting married. to her boyfriend of *drum rolls please* nine years. one million to whoever guesses the bridesmaid's identity correctly. any takers?? yes, it's nokkie! hahaa, so sexy. just kidding.

heavy assignments. big reports. shopping chore. yes, it's a chore when it's obligatory but who says chores can't be fun? i'm sure there will be more stuff to add on to the list later, after this post. sigh.. wake me up when september ends.