Something random about me.

my family knows this. few of my close friends know this. many of you probably don't know this. and most of you, if not all, would find this really odd.. but i hate chocolates.

i don't hate everything chocolate though. okay.. just before you go "why on earth does this girl blurts out stuff and then contradicts herself? she must be one hell of a confused person who needs a psychiatrist", let me clarify myself. i don't mind drinking milo (which i do everyday), chocolate milkshake, devouring chocolate-flavoured ice cream, chocolate waffles and maybe half a brownie... but i absolutely detest chocolate bars and chocolate candies. maybe count in chocolate cakes, cream and icings too. after you know me for several months, you'll know what are my yes and nos.

when people offer me chocolate, i would smile and kindly refused. then they would ask why and i would just tell them, "i don't like chocolates". strange looks will (and i mean will) follow, which would later be joined by inquiries... "but why?" or "how can anybody possibly hate chocolate?" with some jokingly adding "scared become fat ah?" or the more straight to the point "you're weird" remark.

it's not that i worry i'll become fat after a bite of chocolate bar or swallowing an m&m. i don't even need chocolates to make me fat. i must admit though that my great dislike for chocolate probably helped minimize pimple outbreaks and problems. make my life easier.

so. wanna know why?

i hate the way it feels after eating the chocolate. it's not extreme though.. at least i don't feel nauseated or feel like throwing up after eating it. i can eat one piece at the most at one go. if more than that...

i hate the way some of its residue gets stuck on my teeth no matter how hard i try to wash them down with water. yes, i fear these little chocolate monsters will happily grind holes in my teeth. i hate going for dental appointments. i think i can count the number of times i've seen a dentist.

i hate the way it melts in my mouth. i hate the way it tastes like in my mouth. i hate the thick creamy murky disgusting feeling i have in my throat when i swallow it, leaving an equally uncomfortable feeling in my stomach soon after. i remembered having to force myself to down one small slice of chocolate cake by myself during my then-church's christmas party and drinking lots of chrysanthemum tea later on. beh tahan.. i even have a picture as proof (see left). hahahaa.

i hate the fact that i always have nosebleed right after i eat chocolate when i was young. so geeky right? hehehe. yalah, i know. anywayz, was quite prone to having coughs and sore throats back then too. so most of the time, i was banned from chocolates. maybe that's why i dislike the taste of chocolate. simply not used to it. i don't even eat the small piece of chocolate at the last bit of cornetto ice-cream. i either throw it away, or give it to nokkie who'll be more than happy to finish it off for me. who says it's bad having brothers?

genetically inherited?? scientifically speaking, there's no such thing lah. hereditary preferences? maybe. my dad eats chocolate, but my mom isn't fond of anything sweet. i probably take after my mom, but my sister and nokkie are absolutely chocolativores. everywhere they go they must have, must find, must buy and must eat chocolates. my sister can eat one whole dairy milk chocolate bar by herself and not gain an ounce. now that's what i call extreme chocolate-tolerant. she probably has unusually high amounts of chocolate-digesting enzymes circulating in her system. as for nokkie, he shares her chocolate craze. good for them.. at least when they buy chocolate, they only have to split it two ways instead of three. that way, they get a bigger share to feast on with bigger joy and bigger smile on their faces. like that, everybody's happy!

i'll only eat chocolates when i don't have a choice... worse-case scenario type of situations like if there's a one-metre flood in klang valley and there's no way to get out of the house and the only food left in the house are chocolates. or if someone threatens to shoot me unless i eat chocolates. otherwise, chocolates and i just don't get along. not now. not ever. i can live with being the odd one.


p.s. happy 49th independence day malaysia!

Yours truly, the un-Malaysianized Malaysian.

Congratulations Daesi, you are 60% not Malaysian.

That means you're as Malaysian as...


Guy Sebastian !

How Un-Malaysian Are You?

mannn... i have been living in malaysia all my life.

there were some questions though in the "un-malaysian test" based on the malaysian mindset. like what do you do when you see some stranger smile at you. i knew the right "typical malaysian" reply. i think. it was the "glaring back" answer. but i chose another answer. i think glaring or staring at others, even if they're strangers, is really rude and should not be anybody's practice. unless, of course, the person is looking at you suggestively and disrespectfully, making those really annoying kissy sounds and calling out "ah moiii.." or other irritating-cheesy equivalents.

tempted to slap them, right? just visualize yourself slapping them lah. there, you can beat them up all you want without getting sued for attempted murder. slap them with a big smelly trout, pour yucky expired campbell's soup on them, throw rotten tomatoes, slippers, pots.. that'll be enough. in reality, it's better to ignore and look away, pretending you didn't hear them. that hurts their ego all the more than if you give them the evil eye which only shows you "respond" to them which is totally disgusting anyway. besides, we get to keep our heads and not let them degrade us or ruin our day.

yet the bigger portion of me is un-malaysian. adding on to the fact that i don't even look like a malaysian chinese - a fact i established and become resigned to after i've met hundreds of people (strangers and friends alike) who thought i was everything else but a malaysian chinese at first sight. the most popular guesses being korean and japanese. yaa, even faceanalyzer says that (see here). don't know why. maybe my features just don't add up. my eyes too sepet, skin and complexion different and/or weirder than others. and being one who speaks fluent english and malay, but only a fair amount of mandarin (just enough to survive), nano-cantonese, hokkien of highly limited vocabulary and no other dialects, just adds on to it. my bad?? my bad.

even at times, i get people guessing that i'm baba nyonya (peranakan). now, i get surprised and excited when people actually guess my race right.. just like an excited child gleefully tearing open her birthday presents and discovering what's beneath all the mysterious wrappings. at the same time, i find them odd when they actually guess correctly.

the truth is i am a product of mixed heritage. i am three-quarters chinese, one-eighth iban and one-eighth malay (don't know if it's local or indonesian). there, it's all out in the open. no more secrecy. not like it's been a huge secret anyway.

ssshhhhhh... i have another secret. i am supposed to be studying for my mid-semester food microbiology test now you know.. which is this weekend. heyyy... it's already weekend. damn. oh well.

One fine badminton day

only god knows it's been how long since i last held a badminton racquet... or is it racket? could never understand why it was necessary to have two different spellings (british and american) for the same word referring to the same thing. maybe it's just for the hell of confusing us. grew up reading american novels and learning british english in school (malaysia's a former british colony mah).. the confused me made it through english classes. hahaa. i used to avoid using words which i'm not sure in my essays. in fact i think i hardly use bombastic jargons. my friends are my witnesses. keep it simple = my motto. i can understand, others can understand (i hope).

anyway, i went playing badminton with my dad and brother in bukit jalil today in the evening. yes i still know how to hold the racquet the right way. missed many few quite a number of easy shots here and there.. haven't played for almost three years now, you think can straight away play like a pro seasoned amateur har? i wish. hahaa. i used to be able to play both right-handed and left-handed - better with right hand though. but logically if you don't use anything for a long long time, it gets rusty somehow. needs polishing to run smoothly now.

back when i was in high school, i used to play badminton once a week and swim twice a week. i can tell you that after years of morphing into a potato couch (or rather, a "professional" typist after years of endless typing thanks to college) and hibernating from sports, my backhand sucks big time.. can retrieve using backhand but man, it's so freaking weak and embarrassing. needs tons of work.

new discovery... playing doubles with my brother needs more work. no kidding. we can only play when he's on my right. wondering why? for my part, i have to cover my side of the court (logically self-explanatory). in addition to that, i also have to cover his backhand side of the court cuz he says, "i don't play backhand". eeesshhhh. well... well...

tomorrow, i'll most probably be complaining about my muscle aches like old lady merengek-rengek. some more got two lab sessions. what joy. how on earth am i gonna micropipette anything steadily and correctly?? if there's gel electrophoresis, skali tercucuk 'tu gel.. there goes the results. hahahaa. in the report, write "the error was most probably due to bad handling of the micropipettes - thanks to daesi. therefore, it is highly recommended that daesi should never never NEVER be allowed to micropipette any reagents or samples or be involved in the experiment at all, particularly if her arms have been subjected to prolonged stress and vigorous movements the day before to avoid getting out-of-the-ordinary results in near future. EVER!" maybe dr kan will give 10/10 for that. hahahaa. fat chance.

Look who's having the last laugh now..

liverpool whipped chelsea 2-1 in the community shield match.


i'm sorry i don't like chelsea all that much - although they have the likes of frank lampard, john terry and michael ballack - thanks to their manager who can't tell the difference between being confident and being arrogant, and how to have respect for others. he's just... unlikeable. and he loves putting his own foot into his mouth.

but who cares what he says? liverpool still won. hahahahahaaa.

The heart of a lost sheep

about ten months ago i took a desperately-needed two-month break from the ministry (which i eventually left few months later). i remembered the feelings i was experiencing at that time was psychological and spiritual drought. emptiness. i was serving almost every week - keyboard, backup vocal, ushering, etc. - for sunday services, prayer meetings and so on. probably getting a break once in two to three months. don't get me wrong, i love serving and it's truly an awesome opportunity to serve the great and mighty God. and i'm not complaining. but it just got to a point where suddenly it all became a routine. fuel exhausted. the fire and desire gradually died off. that's where the danger caved in.

when things become a routine, it becomes an obligation - you're doing it because you have to, not because you want to. fueled by the fear of people judging you, fear of what others would say, fear of being labelled with something nasty like "lazy" or "backsliden", fear of being scolded, fear of upsetting people and your parents, fear of taking the alternate route cuz you don't know what awaits you. and additionally in my case, fear of tainting my dad's reputation.. watching every action, making sure we don't give any openings for attack or gossip. i know i know.. so what if i'm a pastor's kid? you think it's such a big deal? your father's the pastor, not you. just be yourself lahh. so simple like that oso dunno ahh. allow me to be frank. i wished that everybody would think like that but sadly, it was not meant to be. everyone has different minds. it wasn't easy growing up as a pastor's kid you know. for me. maybe i would have testified differently (and perhaps more positively) if i had grew up in a healthier environment with a lot less ridiculous scrutinies and hurtful rebukes coming from all directions from the harshest and most unkind of people (or should i say aunties) who just love insulting us with every intention of driving us down. leaving no space to breathe. it was hard. suffocating.

but i belive all these do not happen just by accident or mere coincidence. i believe all these serve a purpose and God's plan for my life. for a greater good. just like a pencil needs to be sharpened every now and then to become a better pencil, i also need periods of sharpenings in my life in order to become a better person. had i not been there, i would not have been the person i am today. if things were different, maybe the present me would be a spoiled, rebellious and arrogant b*tch. hahahaa. or maybe not that bad but who knows? even now when nobody's watching, i still feel as though there are eyes watching every step. still a bit paranoid. but if i could turn back time, i wouldn't change a thing. it's a great blessing that my parents grew to be supportive, understanding and are willing to listen to our blabberings and complaints very patiently.. giving advice and endless words of encouragement in return. cool pastor papa and mommy eh? heehee.

this period of eight months is probably too long i have gone without settling in a church. it's about time though. some may think that there's no need to go to church, as long as you still believe. but i beg to differ. sheeps need a shepherd to guide them and protect them from the mouths of hungry wolves and lions. babies need parents or guardians to nurture, to show them what's wrong and what's right, and be mindful of them as they grow and mature to adults. likewise we - in our Christian beliefs - need others who're much more mature and wiser to teach and guide us, need others to encourage and build each other, for fellowship (who doesn't like that?), need others to see or help open our eyes to see things we cannot see, help us to mature in our Christian faith and walk..

honestly speaking, i miss playing the keyboard, i miss singing backup vocals and worship leading, i miss shaking people's hands and giving warm smiles to them as they come to church together to celebrate the awesomeness of our Redeemer and His love - but most importantly, i miss the joy of serving God, to feel his presence, to usher in His presence and praising God with every talent he has blessed me with. i didn't realize to what extend did i miss God until last week during worship. tears kept flowing and flowing as i kept singing "at the cross i bow my knee, where your love was shed for me and there's no greater love than this", realizing that i had been drifting apart for so long. i'm humbled. humbled by his grace and mercy. realizing also that my mistakes which almost got me led away by temptation. the sacrifices he'd made. indeed there is NO greater love than his.

and when the earth fades
falls from my eyes
and you stand before me
i know you love me

at the cross i bow my knee
where your blood was shed for me
there's no greater love than this
you have overcome the grave
your glory fills the highest place
what can separate me now