A day that I'll never forget

"God has a word for you. He says that lately you've been praying and seeking Him for many things in areas and aspects in your life. He just wants you to know that He's listening, but you are not being firm in what you want. God wants you to be specific and ask for results. Remember that God loves you and wants to bless you, but He's asking you to be specific."

This was God speaking to me through Pastor Amos AT A SMALL LITTLE MAMAK SHOP in Masjid Jamek!! Really, it was an extraordinary and AWESOME experience altogether. You know, all these while, I hear preachers testifying at the pulpit of how God speaks to them in ways you could have never imagined, like on the streets by strangers. But I have never dreamt that this would one day happen to me. I've always thought that God would only speak to me in my private time and when I respond to altar call. And there it was, a stranger releasing God's revelation for me to me while I was having my dinner (puree..yummies!) in a mamak shop with my friends. Pastor Amos was someone I didn't know before that and he didn't know me EITHER. And yet the words he delivered to me were so close to my heart. Isn't God mighty and awesome?

For these several months, I felt myself drifting further and further away from God.. even though I still do pray everyday. A part of me just felt [ e m p t y ] and [ d r y ]. Walking around like a living "spiritual zombie". Many times I've been to services where the preachers would call for altar call and sometimes call for people with specific needs they want to pray for. I was one of those with needs and wanted to be prayed for so badly. But my legs refused to budge.. stayed frozen in place. For once, the motor neurons in both my legs were not listening to what my brain was telling them to do. I feared responding to altar calls. Afraid of what God has to say to me. Afraid of what people might think of me. Afraid of being open. Maybe I was just simply exhausted.. spiritually and mentally drained.

I mean, can't a Christian be spiritually and mentally exhausted at some point of their life? Or just because he/she needs some time off to seek the Lord makes him/her any less a Christian than others? Or that there is always something wrong with his/her relationship with God? Must we be SO judgmental of others that we forget they are also humans with limited capacity? And then, forget that each of us are individuals.. unique and DiFfeRenT from each other in our own special way. If each of us are unique, then why are we judging others because they are not doing something the same way that you are? Why are we condemning others simply because they are not like us? Having said that, I'm talking in the context of common human relationships, NOT promoting murder, rape, robbery, and any other act that is wrong by law.

It is true that I have been praying lately to God for several things, such as clear directions for me, my dad's business, my mom, improvement for my results and some other personal stuff. And those words were like a W-A-K-E-U-P call for me! A refreshing revelation from Him. It was just what I needed right exactly at the time I needed it the most. Simple, but yet profound. As you probably noticed, there were several words I bold, which were not being firm and specific. When you ask something from someone, you have to be specific right? For example, let's say you're asking your parents for money, usually you'll ask, "Dad, can I have 100 bucks? Cuz I'm broke and need some money to buy school books", or "Mom, can I have 30 bucks for lunch?". For me, I have been asking God like this, "Dad, can I have some money? But if you don't have or don't want to give, then it's OK". See the difference? I guess I was just afraid of being disappointed.

It was just yesterday that I decided to follow my sis to her church for Saturday night service, instead of following my mom to FGA on Sunday morning. It was a sudden decision. Even Romuald (my sis's fiance) and Macrina were like, "Why suddenly coming to The Rock for service?". I just shrugged. Now I know that I was not there by mere coincidence, and that God wanted to speak to me through Pastor Amos. Praise God for Pastor Amos. Praise God for He NEVER forsakes us! Praise God for He knows our hearts' deepest desire. Well, if you will excuse me, it's about time I get specific!!