Crying in the Shower

I'm pathetic... Aren't I? Crying to nobody but myself in the shower.
One would think that it would feel ALL better after doing that.
But honestly, it doesn't.
It really doesn't.
I used to do crying myself to sleep.
Between the two, none of it really works.
You know, like drinking beer, hoping you'll forget everything.
And it'll all be better the next day.
But you end up feeling worse? Exactly like that.

You don't think I get depressed as weeks go by without replies from companies?
Or when they do email me, only to say that the position has been filled?
I don't need to be a constant reminder of what a burden I am.
For years I have been studying in Monash
I hate it every time someone asks you about how much my semester fee is
Because the answer always have and will be that I'm always a burden.
I am sorry that I am not academically brilliant as the other two.
And I'm not smart enough to win some scholarship.
I just can't take this anymore.

Just hours ago I was laughing away with my friends.
And here I am now alone in my room, crying my eyeballs out.
Despite what people think, I don't share feelings with people comfortably.
When I'm vulnerable, I camouflage real feelings with other feelings.
I laugh at myself. I cry at myself.
I act OK when things are OK.
I act OK when things are not OK.
I am an emotional trainwreck.

When you grow up with that stupid label stuck on you
They say that you should always be good
That you should always be happy and smiling
That you should always say yes to everything
That you should always be obedient
That you should never lose temper
That you should never be rude
That you should never refuse anything
That you should never be pessismistic and faithless
Do you know what it's like to be the hot juicy gossip when you let slip any one of these "golden rules"?
Do you know what it's like to be watched by vultures who just can't wait until you screw up so that they can screw your life up even more? The very people who call themselves saint.
Other kids do it, they say "They're just kids growing up. They make mistakes."
If we do it, it's always "Eyer, you know she did this and that.. How can a pastor's kid do/say that har?"
Do you know what it's like to be defenseless from these?
Do you know what it's like even when your own parents don't believe you?
Do you know what it's like to face these even before your age hits double digits?

Just great! I have a movie date with a girlfriend in 8 hours.
And I have eyes as red as vampires.
And headache from blowing my nose every two minutes.
And zits from my chin that are so stubborn and won't freaking go away!
Honestly I am not up for a movie. Or an outing. Or whatever.
Nope, don't feel bad Ling.
Maybe this is exactly what I need.
A break from all these.
I really need to get away from all these.

Doughnuts

Two doughnuts right before you.
Are they both real?
Or are they both fake?
Haha. I can tell you one is real, while the other one is fake.
Once costs RM16, the other one only costs around RM3.
The expensive one can't be eaten.
The cheaper doughnut is from Krispy Kreme, but it isn't all that great.
Too much flour, too filling, too starchy for me.
Even if the whole United States of America think it's the best doughnuts EVER,
Even if Oprah Winfrey says Krispy Kreme doughnuts are deliciously awesome,
I still think J&Co doughnuts from Indonesia are the BEST!
What say you?

Which is your favourite doughnuts?
	J and Co's
	Krispy Kreme
	Big Apple
	Dunkin Donuts
	I don't eat doughnuts
pollcode.com free polls

Loving my new hair!

New hair colour, that is! Hahaha.

And to think that this was so random. I was feeling bored with my hair and it was getting too long. There was no way I was going back to Zola because Ah Gil will never cut my hair shorter even if I complain that the incredible length was making my hair even drier and frizzier. And not to forget, making the top of my head look flat (and ugly). And he will complain that colouring my hair is gonna make my hair frizzier. And he will complain and complain and complain. I beh tahan liao!

So I smsed "I m bored wif my hair... Feel like colouring it" to my sister, Suzan (in Singapore) and Pranati. Honestly speaking, I was expecting my sister not to respond, Suzan to say "Go colour lah" and Pranati to talk me out of colouring my hair. In the end, my sister did not respond (as expected... haha!), Suzan also did not respond (wonder why) and Pranati sent me this...


... which was the COMPLETE OPPOSITE of what I expected to hear from her! Haha. I guess living overseas does change you somehow.

We opted to go for Infinity hair salon in 1Utama. I like the environment there and everything. Not to forget, the guy hairstylists there are pretty good looking. The hair stylists there speak English! And it's not the broken Ah Pek english lor! Not perfect, but proper English. At least they can understand me and I can understand them. And they can explain things to me in English. Previously, I almost always leave hair salons very frustrated because of the language barrier. Somehow none of the hair salons in Sri Petaling has English-speaking stylists.

Ah, I think I've (finally) found the hair salon for me. Hahaha.

I initially wanted to go for cut + colour + hair treatment. But my hair stylist (a woman by the way, I think the guy was the top stylist) recommended that I opt for scalp treatment instead of hair treatment because according to her, I have a very unhealthy scalp with a lot of dead skin cells, residues and clogged pores.

Some people might think that she's just doing hard sales (scalp treatment is RM190, as opposed to hair treatment RM120). But I actually do believe her. Because she managed to explain the mystery of my chronic hair loss. And I have always felt that my scalp was really unhealthy although I can't actually see it because I don't have eyes at the back of my head!

Scalp treatment was awesome! Seriously!! I think it was the 2nd last step when the stylist applied the cool-like-colgate product all over my scalp. You know the spiciness and coolness you feel in your mouth when you pop in the strongest Fisherman's Friend for the very first time? Imagine that exact feeling but ALL OVER YOUR HEAD. It was so so awesome lor! A whole 10 minutes of cheekik-ness!!! It actually felt like it was killing all the stupid problematic cells and refreshing the unhealthy cells. Ya, I know it could be my imagination but it felt like it!

I was told not to wash my hair until 3 days later. At first when she told me, my mind was thinking that I really had to have a lot of self-control because my head normally itches on the second day! Surprisingly, I am pleased to inform you that my scalp did not itch even on the third day. Hair was oily yes. But scalp was itch-free! I'm so happy!!

Did I mention that the hairstylists there thought I was a foreigner? Simply because I spoke English. I'm guessing. They were gossiping about us in Cantonese at the washing hair area there while I was there getting my hair washed. It was so weird. I thought that they were bit daring to talk about us so loudly behind me. Mana tau they thought I wasn't local. No wonder lah.

Ah yes, I am off to Sungai Wang to buy the Nioxin shampoo and conditioner tomorrow. I'm gonna be so so broke. Anyone wants to contribute to my "Prevent Daesi from going botak" fund?

Heaty

While clearing my throat in the morning, I spat out blood-coloured phlegm. I thought my dreamy morning eyes were imagining things, I cleared my throat and spat out the phlegm again. It was blood alright.

Shit man. My body must be suffering from massive heaty-ness. I've known and been heaty, but not to the extend of coughing up blood in my phlegm!!!

My mom said it's because I don't drink enough water. That's why I nose bled while I was sleeping and hence the bloody phlegm. But I wallop the entire 1.5 litres of water everyday! Still not enough! She said I should drink more COLD water or 100 Plus to cool my internal self down.

Then when I got around to drinking ice-cold water, OMG... immediate discomfort! My insides... they felt like being extinguished. Burning man.

Note to self: Drink more cold water, cooling tea. Stay away from spicy food, fried food, milo..... AAAAHHHHHHHH!!!

Back From Singapore

At the airport while waiting for my return flight to KL, I got this message from SingTel (my Singapore roaming service provider)...


When I'm going back then only offer me free sms and services lah!!!

-_- ;

Off for a Vacation

Yep, I am heading to Singapore tomorrow.
Can't wait to see my Monashian friends there.
The last time I flew to Sibu, it was my first time flying alone.
This time, it'll be my first time flying overseas without my parents.
It feels odd.
But I'm excited (who isn't?)... muahahahaa!

To my friends in KL, see you when I come back!
To my friends in Singapore, get ready coz here I come!

You are what you eat